Relationship. The ship that oftenly sinks, taking lifes away, causing damage, or the least, injuries. I'm 18 and i've been through shits. Dramatic much, but shits that's enough to make me mature. The young blood flowing in me, young, but wise. I'm wise, not smart. Wise, because i have the experience.
I used to be a loser, a total failure, fat ass or to say, fatfuck. I was born a fat kid, with really low self-esteem. Used to do so much just to get attention, a.k.a, attention whore. All this lil details in live, it wasn't taught by my parents. They're so Asian that they don't really even talk about it. We ourselves have to learn it on our own. As time passes, i've grown more an more matured, and i'm no longer the ugly duckling i used to be.
Chapter One.
No relationships were actually allowed during schooling time, typical Asians, i know. But with our so called "witty thoughts" somehow i got into a relationship when i was 15. That was my first time having a boyfriend. I got to know him through the singing online game, called Meetoto. Yeah it was a cyber love. I don't really know if that's counted as first love. But we lasted for 7 months. So close to meeting up with each other. Breaking up, mainly was because of me, i was afraid that i wasn't as good looking as he thought i would be and also, i got bored of it. 7 months, the relationship that's only through the internet, through the phonecalls, texts, and yeah so i got bored then asking for a break up. From that i know, i mindset myself, telling myself there's nothing as TRUE LOVE. They're all just bullshits. So that's how i roll ever since that.
Chapter Two.
After 8 months. it was December. Somehow i couldn't remember how i got to know that guy but all i remember is we got together on the Christmas eve. :) Sweet. But funny part is how we only lasted for a week. Yes. A week. It wasn't even a relationship, more like, a joke. LOL. Pathetic, kids game.
Chapter Three.
2 months later. I got to know a guy that's 2 years younger than me and we hooked up. Things went on pretty well. Same old shit, cyber love, but we do meet up eventually. One thing, this time, i got cheated. Not that kinda cheated but he actually lied to me. Like you've never been young once, getting to know people through phones and chatting with random unknown people, yeh, exactly. I was so dumb. He sent me a cute looking guy's picture who turned out to be his cousin, and him being a fat chubby boy with super low self-esteem. I was pretty mad but still, a relationship shouldn't just be based on the person's look, so i've forgiven him. He actually worked on his diet and lost a lot of weight, for me. A guy that has almost everything, but self-esteem. 6 months later, we broke up. He was in deep shit and determined to shed more fats away. *To be continue*
Chapter Four.
It was fast, each time breaking up, i actually didn't cry. I don't even feel sad. I feel nothing. Even if i cry, it's just because i feel bad, guilty for making them sad. As what i remembered, my so called first boyfriend, was actually crying on the phone, badly, begging me not to leave, and i was just the bad ass cold blooded asshole that won't give two flying fucks. Two months later, i meet with this dude. He texted me when i was having my tutorial, in a really funny way, telling me his name and the way of remembering it. I LOL-ed. Things went on and we got into another relationhip. Four months. Top that. I cried this time getting to know that he was actually cheating on me. Somehow, i really got no fucking idea why the hell i even shed a tear for that idiot. Pffft.
Chapter Five.
Remember the guy that's two years younger than me? Yeh, we got back together and this time, we only lasted for two months as i was gonna leave for my tertiary study. Shit got real and ouh damn, the breaking up, tears were wasted, like a lot. He cried, right in front of me, in the cinema, when the movie was going on, begging me not to go, making stupid promises. Uh uh, hold it there, when yu don't mean it, don't make promises. I fucking hate it. So yeh, i moved to the city, a place where dreams are made of.
Chapter Six.
College life huh. That's what everyone says. I had cultural shock and got myself so "wasted". For the first semester itself. I've been making friends with a lot of international students. And here we go. I was in a relationship with this Iranian boy, a real short ones, for only 21 days. Things went on pretty well until i get to know that he's a bit racist and don't really know how to respect others, acting like a lil kid, seeking for attention. And oh did i mention that when i was with him, i have a best friend, he's the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Chapter Seven.
After breaking up with him, me and this best buddy, yeh buddy, somehow we got bonded, real tight, we were so so close that everyone thought that we're couple. But, sadly, we're not, and never gonna be. We were literally doing everything together, you'll never see us walking alone. We're always together. Even hands were held tight when we're walking. Until the day that our friends actually tried to pair us up, but it doesn't work out. He, somehow said that, he's not ready for commitment, and afraid of falling out of love. So i can say nothing but to respect him. As usual, things went on really well, confession made, we both really do like each other, a lot. But somehow maybe i'm that kinda of person that think so much, i've been expecting the worst, and making things hard, we're just tired of being aware, and being so virtual. If someone really like me, i don't really ask for much, just a lil attention when i need them, a lil concern, and a lil commitment. That's pretty much about it, but somehow he doesn't show me those so i guess, things just faded. And this girl, appear in our picture, changing everything. Things were broken and i learnt my lesson, for the first time, i got to know that falling in love isn't easy, falling outta love, definitely not any easier. For the first time, i was in depression, just because of the love matter. I did so many stupid things, being a big time attention whore, and wow, i totally freaked my friends out. Took me almost 3 months to get back up, for justa short not-even-a-relationship relationship. It might seems that our relationship is not strong enough to go through the ups and downs, but, the ups and downs, ruined everything. Too much of it.
Chapter Eight.
Knowing it's a hard thing so i rather stay single, and single life definitely do me good. A few guys after me but really, single is just nice. :) Learnt a lot, and it woke me up from my fantasy dream. Recently, i just got into another relationship. This guy, he seems different, let's just hope for the best. Can't be bother to dream big, hope high, just, all the best. He is my Chapter eight. ;)
All my relationships above might seem fragile and vain, but, this is how experience is. I think outside of the box. Different scenario in different relationship. Changes, we all always do. So, let's not loose hope and fight for what you deserve. :) Cheers for that.
